A blog for all the insecure people out there
Receiving feedback is like receiving a gift, but often we don’t experience it like that. When people tell you how they experience your behaviour, then you have the opportunity to grow and develop yourself. If nobody ever tells you what effect you have on others, you will be deprived from changing your interactions with the people that are important to you. Another thing is to receive feedback on work you have done. When you are open for receiving feedback, you have an opportunity to improve the quality of your work. In the end this would make you more satisfied with the result. When people are sharing their ideas, you get to rethink things, create new ideas and be inspired. That feeling is powerful. All you need to do to create that feeling is to ask for someone’s help. Other things you are looking for and we receive are reassurance and acknowledgement we are on the right track. That will boost your confidence and will encourage you to do more!
Sounds great, doesn’t it? Yet, most people are afraid to receive feedback, so they miss out on input from others and the opportunity to grow. Why is that? Because they have to show their vulnerability and they are afraid the feedback will feel like a slap in the face. They are insecure of their abilities and are afraid somebody might crush their confidence by saying it is not good enough. An important aspect for being able to accomplish beautiful things in life is a concept called ‘self-efficacy’. It is the extent to which you believe in your own capabilities. When you are knowledgeable or highly creative and you are not able to show it, because you are afraid to do so, you will not be able to create those magical things you are capable of creating. You are holding yourself back. That is such a pity. If you would stop doing this and be open up for feedback or input from others, you would grow and go places you would not have imagined.
Sometimes people use the term ‘feedback’ as a cover up for criticism and they feel the other should learn from their so called feedback. That is another reason why people don’t like to be commented on the things they do. This form of feedback can be harmful, since it can cause them to lose faith in themselves. In order for feedback to be effective, it should be given with a positive intention and empathy for the other person. When somebody is criticizing you, they act out of their own emotions and beliefs. They are venting! Therefore it says more about what they think and feel in that moment than it says something about your effectiveness. You are harming yourself when you take it personally. When criticism gets to you, you believe there is a truth to be found in those words. They might just represent the things you believe about yourself. You seek out information that confirms your own beliefs, it is a filter mechanism of your brain.
When you believe negative things about yourself, you will only hear negative things. As a result you will believe the things being said. It is your mind who makes you go crazy!!!!
What can you do to boost your confidence?
- Focus on the positive!
You can choose to filter what people are saying about you. When a person says a few positive things and one negative, what do you think people will remember? Yes, the negative, because that is how our brain works. That way you are putting yourself down. Being aware of this, you can put extra effort into hearing and incorporating the positive notes. When you focus on the positive, you will grow as a person. You will feel more love towards yourself and you will be able to receive and give love to others more easily. As a result you will feel so much happier. You can learn this by practicing. Every time you hear negative things, you shift your attention to the positive ones being expressed. Redirect your mind.
- Stop doing things you struggle with when these are not important to you anyway! You would need to become aware of your strengths and weaknesses, so you can make choices that benefit you more. The result is positive energy in your life, since you focus on the positive. This is an ongoing process. Stop torturing yourself into changing yourself into someone you are not and never will be. That will only do you harm.
- Don’t let feedback and especially criticism get to you. See the bigger picture. Put yourself in the position of the other person and try to understand where he or she is coming from. Maybe this person is having a bad day or there are bad things happening in his/her life. That way it will not harm your feelings. Make a shield from this bigger picture, so the words will not make contact with your feelings and emotions.
- Last. Look after yourself. When you are deprived from sleep or not feeling well, criticism always affects you more than when you are feeling cheerful. Sleep enough, eat healthy, exercise, relax, do nice things. These are all things that influence your mood positively.